


Cool with You

by nothlits



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Metaverse (Persona 5), F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Love Confessions, Mutual Pining, study buddies to lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25189798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothlits/pseuds/nothlits
Summary: Ryuji takes Makoto up on an offer for help with studying. Studying leads to dinner. Dinner leads to arcade games. Arcade games leads to breaking down your pre-conceptions of your friends until friends just doesn't seem like quite the right word anymore.
Relationships: Niijima Makoto/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 13
Kudos: 118





	Cool with You

**Author's Note:**

> written for a server gift exchange!

It first came up after a group study session, Ryuji and Makoto standing together at the station waiting for their trains back home. Ryuji had to get home to help his mom with dinner. Makoto had to do the same for her sister. The others had stayed behind at Leblanc to hang out. 

“Man,” Ryuji scuffed at the ground with the toe of his shoe, hands in his hoodie pockets. “I’m totally screwed. I know the council president prolly doesn’t wanna hear that.” He laughed to himself. 

“Probably not.” Makoto sounded irritated at first, but then her voice softened. “But I also don’t want to hear it as your friend. Did none of what we just went over click with you at all?” Her words weren't the accusation Ryuji was used to. They were a gentle, genuine question. 

“Not… not really.” He kept rubbing his shoe into the hard floor nervously. “I guess I just don’t really get… _how_ to study? And when we’re in a group like that, stuff is just movin’ so fast, and everyone’s doin’ somethin’ different, and… I dunno. It just goes over my head. Guess I’m just dumb, huh?”

Makoto’s gentle smile faded, and she pulled her bag up higher on her shoulder, fidgeting with the strap. “You’re not _dumb,_ Ryuji.”

“High praise comin’ from you!” 

“Stop, I mean it.” Her words were harsh, but her smile was back. “Everybody learns differently. If nobody’s ever bothered to figure out how you learn, how would you ever understand it yourself?” 

Ryuji didn’t have an answer to that. He leaned back against the wall to take some weight off his bad leg and fumbled with the zipper of his hoodie until Makoto spoke again.

“Forgive me if this is presumptuous of me, but if it’s alright with you, I’d be more than happy to try and tutor you myself. Learning one-on-one might be more beneficial for you than trying to keep up with our friends.” She tucked some hair behind her ear and he saw that the skin there was flushed pink. “Of course, if you’d rather not, I understand too.”

“Hey, no, no! I, uh,” Becoming a burden on someone like Makoto, who was already so busy and certainly had so many more important things to be doing, was the last thing he wanted. He searched desperately for an excuse that would work. He couldn’t think of one, so he settled on subtle self-deprecation. “You don’t gotta do that for someone like me.”

“Someone like you?” She turned her head to look at him now, confused.

“Uh, yeah.” He looked away. “I mean some people are just naturally better at this stuff, right? It seems so easy for you to just… be smart. Nobody had to teach you how to learn stuff. You just do it.” His voice kept getting quieter until he was mumbling to himself, feeling full of shame. 

But Makoto didn’t scold him, didn’t even seem annoyed with him. She just kept her usual even tone of voice and joined him in leaning back against the wall. “I wouldn’t say it’s easy. I’d say I spent a long time being frustrated trying to learn things alone. Once people think you have all the answers, they don’t really expect you to need help, so…” She shrugged. “The offer goes away.” 

“Oh,” Ryuji blinked. It was all starting to set in. 

An announcement rang out that Makoto’s train would be arriving shortly. She stood up from the wall and brushed off her coat. 

“Time for me to be going. Be safe on your way home.”

* * *

It came up again the next time the group got together to study. Ryuji was getting frustrated — frustrated enough that he was no longer cracking jokes, instead resigning himself to staring hopeless holes into his papers while the others chatted around him. 

The session wrapped up, and, like last time, he found himself walking to the station accompanied only by Makoto. They walked halfway there in complete silence, Ryuji still feeling like his soul had been sucked out over the past few hours. 

Makoto broke the silence with a concerned “Are you okay?” that felt so genuine it caught Ryuji off-guard.

“Yeah. Fine.” He kicked a rock as they walked. “Why?”

“You’ve just been quiet.” She paused. “And I know it’s hard for you. So I just thought I’d ask.”

“Yeah.” He kicked the rock off to the side. “I’m just mad, I guess. At myself. For not gettin’ this shit.”

Makoto hummed sympathetically. “I know you said no before, but the offer is still there. About studying together.” 

Ryuji was silent while they scanned their way into the station and passed through the gates. The longer this went on, the longer he kept crashing and burning his grades into the ground, the more of a burden he was becoming on his mom. He couldn’t coast along into college on a track scholarship anymore. If he wanted to do _anything_ with his life, he needed to get his shit together. And that didn’t seem to be happening organically in what little time he had left in high school. 

He heaved a big sigh as they settled in to wait against the same wall as last time. “I, yeah, I think I’d like that. If you don’t think it’d be a lost cause to waste your time tryin’ to save me academically.” He chuckled nervously and ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end unintentionally. “I mean, if anyone can, it’s prolly you, yeah?”

Makoto seemed to almost laugh. “I’ll take it as a challenge.”

* * *

They started meeting on their own at the diner in Shibuya for dinner and homework.

Something about the way Makoto taught just made things click. Despite being stern, she was patient. If Ryuji didn’t understand something right away, it wasn’t a testament of his stupidity, like he’d always thought. It just meant they needed to find another way to explain the information. For the first time in years, he felt like he was starting to understand the work being put in front of him. 

They’d finish homework in record time, and it left them with a pile of shared fries and no more commitments for the night. Usually, they’d just talk about school, or about their friends, until it was time to go home. Makoto went to bed at a time Ryuji considered to be offensively early, and he was teasing her about it before he realized it. 

Her expression shifted, saddened, and she broke her eyes away from him to the glass of water in front of her. “Is it that strange?”

“U-uh,” He stammered. “I... dunno, I guess not? I mean, I just don’t really know anybody else our age who keeps such a strict sleep schedule, but I guess I don’t know any other student council presidents either.” 

She pursed her lips. _Wrong response._

“I-I mean!” Ryuji kept trying to cover for himself. “You’re just really responsible—”

“No,” She cut him off. “You’re right. It’s strange. _I’m_ strange.”

“That’s not what I meant.” 

“I know, but it’s still true.” She smiled, but it seemed pained. “I don’t really… Fit in with anyone else. Even with our friends, they expect me to be held to this standard of maturity and perfection. They don’t see me as one of them, I think… Sorry, I don’t mean anything mean by that, it’s just…” She trailed off. 

Ryuji didn’t know what to say, and an awkward silence fell over both of them while they continued picking at their food. 

Makoto cleared her throat. “Sorry for making things so heavy. I’m not exactly sure how to talk to my peers…”

“We talk all the time.” 

“Oh,” Makoto seemed taken aback. “Well, not on more than a surface level, right? We talk about school, but I don’t know what comes after that...”

“Well, uh…” Ryuji fidgeted with the book in front of him, fingers grazing over the spine. “What do you _wanna_ talk about?”

“I don’t know…” She responded softly. Her hands moved to her lap and she stared down at her plate as if she were deep in thought. Then she spoke again, louder now. “Do you ever feel like you’re not really meant to fit in with others? You can try, but it’s like putting on a disguise. The motions feel disingenuous, and it’s as if everyone else can tell you’re not really one of them. I’m not stupid. I know my classmates have called me… _robotic_ before.”

“But… you’re not, though.” Ryuji tried his best to sound warm and comforting, though Makoto’s words felt confusing to him. No, he’d never tried to be something he wasn’t to fit in. In fact, he’d done quite the opposite. As soon as the label of delinquent was prescribed to him, he’d bleached his hair and lost his filter. If that was what people thought of him, it was what he’d give them. 

“Am I not?” She shifted slightly, then shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. “It feels like it. I keep searching for a formula to make things make sense. I even had Ren pretend to be my boyfriend so that I’d be able to more easily talk to a friend of mine and _her_ boyfriend, so she’d respect me more… But I think it only made me look more suspicious in the end.”

Ryuji’s shocked look must have given him away. 

“Oh. Did he not tell you about that?” Makoto’s cheeks flushed. “Perhaps he was embarrassed by the whole thing…”

“Oh, no! He’s just… kinda a private guy, y’know? I don’t know if he’d tell any of us anything if we never asked him.” Ryuji tried to laugh, despite the awkward air. “If we didn’t keep tabs on him, I doubt he’d ever really talk to any of us. He never responds in the group chat unless we start askin’ after him.”

“That’s true.” Makoto’s posture relaxed. “I’m a bit envious. Both of you seem so carefree in just being yourselves. When Ren and I go out together, it’s like he doesn’t have to try at all, and I sit there feeling paralyzed by the fear of seeming too distant or like I’m trying too hard…”

“You just gotta relax.” Ryuji reached across the table and stole a piece of Makoto’s dessert directly off her plate, causing her to gape at him wide-eyed. He laughed. “You just gotta do what comes natural. If everyone else thinks you’re _robotic_ then screw ‘em.”

She paused, then reached over and snatched away the last remaining bite of Ryuji’s burger, earning her a squawk of _Hey!_ and more laughter. She laughed too, though it was more reserved than Ryuji’s.

“I know you’re right.” She put her stolen food down on her plate and just stared at it. “I just don’t know how to get there, and—”

“ _Stop_ lookin’ for a formula. Cuz there ain’t one.” 

Makoto hummed sadly in response, but then smiled and picked up her burger scrap. “You’re right.”

* * *

He did well on his exams. 

For the first time since elementary school, Ryuji did well on his exams. 

The rest of his friends teased him about how he was finally growing a brain, and how he was finally taking school seriously. Makoto simply congratulated him quietly on his success. He wasn’t used to that, and it made his other friends’ reactions feel soured. Makoto thought he was capable. Nobody else ever made him feel that way.

He caught up to her in the hall after school and clapped a hand on her shoulder. She spun around at lightning-speed and had a fist in Ryuji’s gut before he could react. He doubled over, gasping for the air that had just been knocked out of him while Makoto frantically apologized, face going bright, bright red.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” She bent down to his doubled-over level and put a hand on his arm to steady him. “Are you okay? Should we go to the nurse’s office?” 

“No, I—” He took a deep breath. “I’m okay— It’s okay—” He managed to stand up straight, wincing. “Prolly gonna bruise, but it’s fine. You greet all your friends like that?”

“Only when they sneak up behind me in an empty hallway.” She spoke matter-of-factly, like it was something anyone would do. “Still, I’m sorry. Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I can take more than a punch to the stomach.” He grinned. If he was good for anything, it was lightening the mood. If he smiled through the pain, he thought she might smile too. 

“Yes, well…” She smoothed out her skirt and swayed foot-to-foot, clearly anxious. “What was it you came to say? Before I assaulted you.” 

“Before you _assaulted me,”_ he laughed, “I was gonna ask you if you wanted to come out with me after school.”

“Oh.” She looked over her shoulder, back towards the council room. 

“You busy?” He rubbed a hand over the sore spot on his stomach. “It’s cool. I just thought I’d—”

“No!” She almost shouted, then covered her mouth and winced at her own volume. “No. I’m not busy. Do you need help with studying?”

“I don’t even wanna look at a textbook right now.” 

“Oh. I guess exams are over, after all.”

“Let’s go celebrate!” He grabbed her arm, already forgetting her previous reaction, and started steering her towards the stairs. “It’s cuz of you I even passed, so let’s go do somethin’ fun.”

“W-wait—” She pulled her arm away, but kept walking with him. “Where are we going, exactly?”

“To the arcade!”

* * *

It turned out that once she got past the fumbling-with-controls part, Makoto was good at arcade games. _Really_ good at arcade games. _Especially_ the shooting kind. After a few adjustment rounds, she was routinely kicking Ryuji’s ass at Gun About, and it was starting to get embarrassing. Ten rounds in, he finally gave up and stepped back.

“I give.” He raised his hands in surrender. The small crowd that had gathered around them to watch quietly dispersed. “How the hell’d you get so good so fast?”

Makoto returned her guns to their holsters as well and stepped back from the machine. “I suppose I had a good teacher.” She just barely bowed. 

“Hell no you didn’t!” He wasn’t even being modest. Gun About was just not his type of game, and he knew it. “You _have_ to have played before. Did Ren teach you?”

“Okay,” She sighed, defeated. “I _did_ come here before with Ren, and we _did_ play a round together, but I was _miserable_ at it, so I went home and I read some — a lot — of strategy guides.”

Ryuji stared at her for a moment, then crossed his arms across his chest and grinned. “You’re incredible.”

_“What?”_ She was instantly flustered by the compliment and looked away from him, lips pursed and eyes wide. “No, I just—”

“You _studied_ how to get good at Gun About.” Ryuji leaned sideways to try and get her to look at him again. “Hey, I’m not makin’ fun of you or anything. I really think that’s cool.”

“Cool?” She glanced at him, then away.

“You’re cool, Makoto.”

* * *

Soon it wasn’t just study sessions and arcade trips. It was movies, crepes, shopping, learning some basic aikido, and just hanging out at Ryuji’s apartment. They’d sit around watching TV and eating snacks. Most of the time, it was fun, but something about Makoto just seemed off sometimes. 

She was staring, brows furrowed, at her phone screen for most of the evening before Ryuji gently tossed a couch pillow at her to get her attention. She batted it away and looked just pissed off enough to make him laugh. 

“What’cha doin’? Talkin’ to a _boy?”_ He teased. They were close enough now that he knew he could get away with it without a lecture. Makoto never lectured him anymore. She was only stern at worst. 

“You’re the only _boy_ I talk to.” She spoke without thinking, then seemed to realize what she’d said and looked back to her phone. “I’m not talking to anyone.”

“You talk to Ren.” Ryuji took his pillow back and held it in his lap. 

“Not… not really. Not very often. Not one-on-one.” She locked her phone and set it aside, turning to face Ryuji. 

“Isn’t he your fake boyfriend?” 

“I guess?” She shrugged. “It sort of fell through. Or… the opportunity passed? It hasn’t come up in a while, in any case.”

“Rough breakup?” He propped his chin on his hand and kept his eyes on her. He’d never noticed the color of her eyes before. He’d always assumed they were brown, but when she looked directly at him he could see how deeply red they were. _Cool,_ he noted.

“No,” She met his eyes for a second. “More like I’ve continued to fail to establish foundational bonds with those around me and now that there isn’t a pretense of trailing Eiko to figure out what’s going on with _her_ boyfriend, I can’t exactly find a reason that Ren would want to… Be around me…”

“Cuz you’re his friend?” He said the words slowly, like he was talking to a child. Sometimes Makoto needed to be told these things, he’d realized.

“Okay, yes. We’re friends. But how do I approach someone to ask them to hang out with me without an underlying reason? What if there’s nothing for me to offer to them?” 

“Hey.”

“What?”

“What are you _offerin’_ to me right now?”

“We’re… we’re doing homework. I’m helping you study.” She frowned at him. 

He hated making her sad, but he didn’t know how else to explain.

“Yeah, we finished that hours ago. We’re just chillin’ now. Not offerin’ each other anything but company. Cuz we’re _friends,_ Makoto. You can just ask your friends to hang out cuz you wanna.”

She was quiet for too long, thinking too hard. Ryuji knew what it looked like when the wheels in her head were spinning into overdrive trying to understand a concept he took for granted himself. Finally, she took a deep breath and smiled softly at him.

“Thanks."

* * *

Their next trip to the arcade came after a particularly stressful study session for an entrance exam that left Makoto feeling fired up and ready to take everything out on the poor machines. By the end of the outing, she’d racked up enough tickets to win a _ridiculously_ large teddy bear. The employee hoisted it over the counter to her, and she politely thanked him before breaking into a fit of giggles unlike any Ryuji had ever seen from her. He was quickly drawn in until they were both standing outside on the sidewalk laughing hysterically while clutching a giant bear.

It was brown, fluffy, and its neck was decorated by an equally comically large pink ribbon. It wasn’t that the bear itself looked funny, but seeing Makoto holding onto the stupid thing _was._ Class president, straight-A’s, cold and collected Makoto Niijima was standing on the street in Shibuya with her prized stuffed bear, and she looked happier than Ryuji could have pictured. 

He took a photo of her with it, then a selfie with both of them in the frame with their bear-child in between them. 

It sat in the booth next to Ryuji while they ate dinner, where she snapped another photo of her two companions and sent it off to the group chat with the caption _Ryuji’s new girlfriend._ Their friends found it just as funny as they did. More laughter ensued. 

Ryuji carried the bear to the station and kept catching Makoto looking at him and then quickly away.

“What?” He smiled and caught her eyes.

“Nothing.” She reached over and ran her fingers over the bear’s fur as they walked. “She looks good with you. Maybe you should take her home.”

“Nah, you won the damn thing.” 

“But I wouldn’t have if you’d never started taking me to the arcade…” She pulled her arm back to herself and clasped her hands behind her back. “It’s a thank you gift. For being my friend.”

Ryuji breathed out a soft laugh. He had no idea where he’d keep the thing, but he couldn’t turn that down. Not from Makoto. 

“Thanks.”

They were quiet the rest of the walk, but Ryuji couldn’t help but notice the small smile Makoto couldn’t seem to shake, and the way the street lights reflected off the braids in her hair. She was beautiful, and he’d always known that, but now it seemed different. She was relaxed, happy, _herself._ This wasn’t the honor student, this was his friend who kicked ass at crane games and lit up when she saw the ad for the new Buchimaru merch line like she was still six years old. She was practically glowing now. 

She caught him staring at her, so he blinked hard and said the first thing that came to mind before she could question him. “You can visit her when you come over.”

Makoto laughed.

* * *

The others in their group started catching on. Ann asked Ryuji if he and Makoto were “like, dating”, and he stammered out an irritable response to avoid giving her any ideas. She and Ren both just laughed it off, and they continued playing Mario Kart in peace. 

Up until then, he hadn’t even thought about it like that. They weren’t dating, and Makoto definitely wasn’t his _girlfriend,_ but the things they did together could potentially count as dates. That thought made his head spin. He lost miserably at Mario Kart.

They couldn’t be dates. Right? Makoto had more things on her mind than some second year with a reputation for delinquency. If she was going to have a boyfriend, it would be someone who didn’t bleach his hair, who always conformed to dress code perfectly and said all the right things to his teachers and classmates. But the more he thought on that, the more he started to doubt it as well. 

Sure, on the surface level, Makoto seemed like the type who was carefully flawless in every aspect of her life, but that was the exact image she felt constantly pressured to uphold. It was what kept her feeling like she was doomed to seem robotic and too mature for anyone else to even want to be around her, even as a friend.

Perfection wasn't Makoto. Makoto collected Buchimaru merch and rolled her eyes and stifled laughter when Ryuji made stupid jokes. She was terrified of scary movies, but kept seeing them anyway because she wanted to be brave. She repressed a lot of anger at school and at home that came out in their trips to the arcade after school. She didn't understand people their age, but she wanted to. 

He digested all of that while walking back home from the station. Part of him felt like he was just being conceited, but another part delighted in thinking that, somehow, he'd become the person Makoto had opened up to. Maybe he was special to her, in the same way she was becoming special to him. Maybe she could like guys who bleached their hair and had no filter. Maybe he could ask her on a _real_ date. Maybe she'd even say yes.

He flopped down on his bed and pressed his face into his giant bear girlfriend's fur, consumed by butterflies in his stomach and the lightheadedness that came with complicated emotions. He hadn't even stopped to think yet what this train of thought implied — some part of him wanted Makoto to be his girlfriend.

* * *

Ryuji popped his head into the student council room after school. It wasn't a meeting day, but he'd long since memorized Makoto's schedule and knew she'd likely be around anyway. He was right. She was inside, talking to a first year student Ryuji didn't recognize, but when she saw him over the girl's shoulder, her eyes lit up. His heart did a weird flip in his chest. 

The younger girl turned her head, saw Ryuji standing there, and seemed to remember something else she urgently needed to be doing, far away from the scary delinquent Sakamoto. Ryuji stepped aside to let her pass out of the room and tried his best to not let it get to him. Makoto looked happy to see him, at least.

"Sorry," she bowed her head. "I'm just finishing up in here. Were you wanting to go somewhere?" 

She expected him to ask her out. His mind started racing through _okay, so maybe they are dates,_ and _she's being way too casual for it to be a date,_ and finally _but what if she's being casual because she thinks we've already been on so many?_

The words that eventually fell out of his mouth were an anti-climactic "Wanna come over?"

Makoto perked up a bit more. "Oh." She picked up her bag from the floor next to the table and hoisted it onto her shoulder. "Right now?"

"Yeah, I mean, unless you got other shit you gotta do first." He ran his hand over the back of his neck where the skin was hot. He hoped his cheeks weren't on fire too. Asking a girl to your apartment, where you'd hung out alone countless times before, wasn't asking her out on a date. He'd chickened out. _Coward._

"Nope. All yours." She brushed past him and out into the hall. 

He followed.

_All yours_ echoed in his head the rest of the evening.

* * *

Makoto mentioned off-handedly over lunch that there was a new line of Buchimaru merch dropping soon. Ryuji watched the way her eyes brightened as she scrolled through the article detailing the new items. He heard an _adorable_ squeak of excitement when she saw a Buchimaru nearly the size of the bear currently occupying space on his bed. 

She didn’t even apologize for the outburst, just insistently showed Ryuji the photo until he agreed that yes, it was cute and yes, she definitely needed it. He made a comment about it being a good companion for his girlfriend-bear. She grinned and then gave him a soft, lingering smile that made his heart do that weird flipping motion again. 

Two days later, he was in Harajuku, inside a toy store he never would’ve set foot in on any other day, staring down a whole display of Buchimaru _everything._ On a table in the middle was the coveted giant plush. He ran a hand over its soft fur and pictured Makoto doing the same, pictured her look of shock when he presented the bear to her. His thoughts wandered to how else she might react, how she might even kiss him— 

Then, he looked at the price tag and his heart sank. He couldn’t afford this. Not even close.

He didn’t have a job, just some spending money his mom gave him sometimes when there was some change leftover once all the bills were paid. He usually used it to take his friends out for food or for train fare. He felt foolish for thinking he’d be able to get Makoto such a lavish gift on a whim. 

Feeling like he’d had all the fire knocked out of him in one go and with no choice but to give up on his short-live kissing fantasy, he picked up one of the smaller plushes. It was exactly the same as the big one, just scaled down with a price tag to match. It had the same cute eyes and stitched-on smile. It was just as soft. Maybe it wasn’t the one she’d wanted so badly, but he knew if anyone would give it a loving home, it was Makoto. She’d still be happy. She still might give him a hug, even if such a small gift wasn’t kiss-worthy. He reminded himself to cool it with the kissing and paid for the gift.

He nestled it in with the bear that took up half his bed and hoped that somehow, maybe, it might pick up some of his essence that way. He wasn’t sure exactly how that sort of thing worked, but he knew that if Makoto gave him a gift that smelled like _her,_ he’d probably go insane. Maybe a gift that had a little bit of him in it would make it mean more, even if he’d had to downsize. 

An idea popped into his brain so quickly that he wasn’t certain where it came from, and he spent fifteen minutes rifling through his mom’s sewing supplies to find a cut of pink ribbon to tie around Buchimaru’s neck in a sloppy bow. He snapped a photo of the two bears, Buchimaru in the larger’s lap, and resisted the urge to forward it to Makoto immediately. He wanted to preserve some of the element of surprise.

He was prepared to give it to her the next time she came over, but when that time came, he could tell the moment wasn’t right. Makoto arrived looking worn-down. She was quiet and distant. They tried to do homework together, but she kept staring at nothing, glassy-eyed and unresponsive beyond one-word answers and disinterested hums. 

So, he sat and watched her equally quietly, trying to perceive what might be bothering her. She’d shown up already upset, so he doubted it was something he’d done. If it was, he didn’t think she would have agreed to come. An hour passed with neither of them getting much done, so he shut his textbook and spoke softly so as not to startle her.

“Hey,” He waited for her to look up, but she didn’t. “Makoto?”

“Hm?” She lifted her head and glanced over at him. She seemed so lifeless.

“What’s goin’ on?” 

“Oh, um, nothing. Don’t worry.” She tucked some hair behind her ear. “It’s fine.”

“I’m gonna worry.” He scooted closer to her on the couch. She eyed him carefully. “You can talk to me, y’know? We’re friends.”

She was taken aback at first, but something about his words seemed to break down the last of Makoto’s defenses. She exhaled shakily and rubbed both eyes with a fist. When she spoke, her voice shook too.

“I’m just really _stressed.”_ She sniffled, and Ryuji’s chest ached. “I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and I have entrance exams soon for college, and everyone wants me to go into _law_ like my sister, and I don’t even know if that’s what I want for _me.”_ She covered her eyes with her hands and doubled over onto the books in her lap, very obviously crying now. 

Ryuji slowly, hesitantly put an arm around her back and was surprised when she leaned into him. She was so warm.

“You can do whatever you want.” He wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to say, but he was trying. “You can always change your mind later, right? Who cares what anyone else wants?” He could feel her trying to steady her breaths, so maybe this was working. “You just gotta do you, man. If you don’t know what you want, then you gotta just try stuff. Maybe you’ll end up bein’ a professional Gun About player.” 

She shook again, but it seemed more like laughter this time. He chuckled in response while she sat up more, but didn’t move away from him. She just sat with her hands clasped in her lap, still sniffling. 

“Sorry, I know this is stupid to be worried about.” She lifted one hand to rub her eye, then returned it to her lap. “My grades are the top of my class, I could go to any college I wanted and go into any course, I just…” She glanced at him, then back down. “I’m scared of disappointing people. Especially my sister. And… you.” Her voice kept getting quieter.

“Me?” He tried not to laugh. “Since when do you give a shit about impressin’ me of all people?” 

“I… don’t know.”

He realized that she wasn’t joking and lowered his voice. “You’re effin’ incredible, Makoto. You don’t gotta worry about disappointin’ me… You’re, like, the coolest person I know.”

“Really? I find that hard to believe.” 

“Yeah. You’re way cooler than me. You have this, uh, presence to you. You seem really collected and smart, and you _are,_ but you’re also… Just, uh, really cool.” He felt his face flush. “Sorry, you know I’m no good at puttin’ shit into words. It’s like the person I thought you were when I met you was just scrapin’ the surface, yeah? There’s a lot under there, and… I’m gonna shut up before I say somethin’ stupid.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder, and he thought his heart was going to explode. 

“You’re a good friend…” She sniffled, then sighed through her mouth. “Can I, um…” She sat up and held her arms out as if to ask for a hug. Her eyes were red and swollen, but she still managed to look sheepish. “You can say no.”

He threw his arms around her and squeezed. “Oh, like hell I’m gonna say no.”

She nestled her face into his neck and stayed there for a long time, much longer than he’d been expecting her to. This was supposed to just be a quick hug for a sad friend who needed it, but it was turning into something else the longer they both refused to let go of each other. Makoto was soft and warm, and smelled like clean laundry, and now Ryuji wasn’t sure if he’d showered that morning and felt like a smelly idiot. But Makoto didn’t seem to mind. 

He mumbled “Are you okay?” against her ear, and she nodded into his skin and finally let go. He kicked himself for asking. 

“S-sorry. I think I really needed a hug.” She sat back and gave him some space. 

“Hey, I got plenty. Take ‘em when you need ‘em.” He reached over and put her books and papers aside and grabbed the TV remote. “What d’you say we ditch the homework for tonight? What’s your favorite movie?”

She scrolled through titles on Netflix while he got up and went into his room to grab a blanket and, after some hesitation, the Buchimaru plush still living on his bed. He wrapped it in the blanket and carried it back out into the living room. 

He sat back down on his end of the couch. “So, I actually got you somethin’. It’s not really a big deal or nothin’, but it’s, uh… I hope you like it.” He made sure he had her attention, then uncovered the bear and handed it over to her.

Just like he’d imagined, her entire face lit up in awe and then pure, unfiltered joy as she took it into her hands and held it gently, eyes flickering from it to Ryuji and back. 

“Ryuji…” She finally spoke, voice breaking again. 

“Y’like it?” He couldn’t keep from beaming. 

“I love it… This just came out… I can’t believe you actually went and got it. I was just joking about needing the new line…” She stroked over the fur on its face with her fingers, then thumbed over the ribbon on its neck. “It matches the one I gave you…”

“Yeah, they’ve been hangin’ out. Guess she gave him some fashion tips.” 

He got her to laugh, which he’d always take as a victory. 

They watched her favorite movie and she fell asleep half-way through, wrapped in a blanket and clutching Buchimaru to her chest.

* * *

Graduation loomed closer and closer, and the thought of Makoto going off to the prestigious university she’d easily been accepted into was weighing on Ryuji more heavily than he’d admit to anyone. Of course he was proud of her — He was always proud of her. But college also meant she’d be in a sea of new faces, some of which would be older, smarter people who could easily compete for her attention. She’d be bound to find one of them interesting enough to consider dating. And then where did that leave him? Stuck at Shujin coming to terms with knowing he’d missed his chance.

She texted him the night before the graduation ceremony, confessing fear and nervousness about the whole thing. This was a chapter of her life coming to a close, she told him. She wanted to make sure everything was right. 

He decided he felt the same.

The ceremony went off without a hitch, and Ryuji only cried a little while Ann sympathetically patted his back and Ren smirked at both of them like he was above such displays of emotion. But they both saw the shine in his eyes when he looked away. He was just as weak as they were when it came to their friends.

After steeling his nerves as best as he could and taking several deep, deep breaths, he approached Makoto and her sister where they were standing and talking to another student council member. Having learned from past mistakes, he spoke her name aloud rather than following his instincts to grab her arm and pull her into a celebratory hug. She turned her head at the sound of his voice, and then she was the one who surprised him by throwing her arms around his neck. Right in front of the people she’d been speaking to. Right in front of her super-smart lawyer sister he’d only met in passing a few times. Maybe this would go better than he’d thought if he could just collect himself.

“Hey, congrats.” He put one arm around her mid-back, like he would a friend and not a girlfriend. “How’s it feel no longer bein’ a high schooler?”

Makoto released him and seemed to become aware of what she’d just done. “Scary.” She eyed her sister. “But, um, good. I feel… accomplished, I think. Excited? I’m not sure. It’s all pretty overwhelming.”

She looked like she’d been crying, but there was a huge cheek-pain inducing smile on her face that she couldn’t shake, and she held a bouquet of flowers in one arm. Ryuji could only figure they must have come from the classmate and not some secret suitor he’d not been let in on. 

“Time for all that emotional sortin’ shi—” He remembered he was in the presence of an adult. “Uh, stuff, later. Right now we gotta meet up with the others for our celebratory sushi. Walk you there?” 

“Oh!” Makoto handed off the flowers to her sister with a promise that she’d be home that evening, said goodbye to her classmate with a rushed thank you for the flowers, and then set off with him in a direction he’d picked at random. 

Once they were out of eye and ear-shot, he pulled her aside into the shade of a small tree. “Hey, so… There’s somethin’ I wanna talk to you about.” He hated how uncertain he sounded and cleared his throat. “It’s— It’s nothin’ bad, I just don’t wanna say it around everyone else…”

“What’s wrong?” Makoto’s eyebrows knitted together and she began fidgeting with her sleeves. 

“N-nothin’! Nothin’s wrong, I just, uh…” He took a deep breath and then let out a sigh. “Look, this doesn’t gotta change anything between us. And I-I get it if this is just…” He found himself struggling to find the right words, unable to look at Makoto’s face or keep his thoughts straight. In true Ryuji fashion, he decided to take the most direct route — “I love you.”

Makoto didn’t say anything, didn’t seem to react at all for far too long, which in reality, was only five seconds at the absolute most. But to Ryuji, it felt like an eternity and then some. 

To fill the silence, he started babbling again. “L-like I said, it doesn’t have to be anything and I totally get it if you don’t feel the same, and I just wanna keep you as my friend, cuz you’re really, really cool, and I love bein’ around you, and I know havin’ some lame-ass high school guy as your— your b-boyfriend probably isn’t high up on your list of shit to do, but—” He barely paused to breathe. “Cuz of you, I’m actually doin’ good in school cuz you didn’t just give up on me and call me an idiot. And I want you to keep kickin’ my ass at arcade games, and—”

Makoto put her arms around his neck again, face buried in his shoulder. He could feel the heat coming off her cheeks even through his shirt. Neither of them said anything for a long while, just holding each other while Ryuji’s heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest from how hard it was beating. Knowing Makoto could likely hear it was only making it worse. Finally, she released him enough to look at him, though she kept her arms resting on his shoulders. 

She looked like she was caught between worry and elation. When she spoke, her voice was quiet. “Me? Are you sure?”

“‘Course I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” He hesitantly moved one hand from her waist and fixed her hair where a strand had become stuck to her cheek from tears. 

“I just… I didn’t think I was your type.” 

“I didn’t think I was _your_ type.” Ryuji grinned. “What d’you think my type is, then?”

“Oh… Ren? Maybe?” She grimaced as she said it. “Not that there’s—”

Ryuji cut her off with a laugh. “Yeah, I mean Ren’s pretty up there. But I guess my type is smart girls who secretly collect Buchimaru shit, come to find out.”

She pressed her forehead to his shoulder so her face was hidden again, but he heard her laugh through her nose. “Are you serious?”

“Cross my heart.” He nudged her to get her to lift her head. “Seriously, though… If this isn’t what you want—”

“It is.” The intensity he used to expect from the council president was instantly present in her voice and expression. 

“You’re about to go off to college, you sure you want a stupid high sch—”

“You are _not_ stupid, Ryuji.” She kept her eyes on his as she cupped his jaw with her hand. There was a pause while neither of them moved, before she leaned up and pressed her lips against his. 

Before he could really react, they jolted apart from each other at the sudden clapping and cheering coming from nearby. Both of them nearly sprained their necks turning their heads to find the source of the noise: a small group of their friends that had descended on them in the time it took to have their heart-to-heart. Ryuji’s face felt like it was just as red as Makoto’s looked. He tried to stammer out an explanation, but he was swiftly interrupted by their friends coming in to sweep Makoto up in a group hug and to congratulate her on her graduation. All he could do was stand there and try to remember to breathe while his girlfriend was doted on in the way she deserved to be.

She met his eyes over Ren’s shoulder and they both smiled.


End file.
